Talking about Tragedy with Kids

The massive human tragedy we have been witnessing in Haiti these past several weeks gives rise yet again to what theologians have always called "the Theodocy Question": How can a benevolent, loving, all-powerful God permit evil to happen?" I suspect human beings have been asking this question since the beginning of time. In the past several weeks, I have seen newsletters and websites that offer help in talking through this question with older elementary age children and teens, but the experts have largely been silent on this question as we try and talk with our youngest children about why bad things happen to good people.

We have a tendency as parents and church professionals to want to shelter our kids from upsetting, scary and painful things - and in many cases, we should spare them from information that is not developmentally appropriate for them. I remember back to September 11, 2001 when Church professionals were advised to remind younger children that the were safe and nothing was going to happen to them. It was a natural piece of advice, but not a healthy or useful one. Children were already aware that something truly evil and horrible had happened. NOT honestly talking with them about what had happened and where God was present to us in it took neither their questions nor our Christian faith seriously. They KNEW evil had happened and it was our job then to proclaim the Gospel truth that God is with us in our suffering and is ALWAYS at work in ways both seen and unseen to redeem it.

And so it is now with Haiti. We have witnessed an humanitarian disaster of almost incomprehensible dimensions that goes far beyond the actual earthquake. One of the poorest countries of the world to begin with, bad government, abject poverty and lack of resources were already at work long before the earthquake(s) hit. What we are seeing boggles the minds of adults, never mind children. So what do we say?

Here are some things that might be helpful:

1. Children will think somewhat concretely about the facts - particularly the bodies. So many bodies - maybe some of those of people they know - will not be recovered. No one knows where they are. This troubled children after 9/11 too. Reassure your children that whether or not we know where the people are, GOD DOES!!! Every soul is know to God and God does not lose track of anybody. One of the most moving pieces of art I saw following 9/11 was drawn by a 5th grade girl. In it, the two towers were burning and people were jumping from the buildings, but they were not falling down. Above the Towers was a larger-than-life-sized Jesus with his arms outstretched and he was collecting the people in his arms. Jesus stands above Haiti too with his arms outstretched carrying souls home to the God who created and loves them in both life and death.

2. Reassure children that God does NOT will suffering. EVER. Jesus died once and for all on the cross to put an end to suffering. God does not want people to hurt each other or be hurt. No one in Haiti did ANYTHING to bring such massive suffering upon themselves. Our world does not yet look the way God intends it to be; the creation has yet to be perfected. As Jesus reminds us in Matthew's Gospel, "for He makes the the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Tragedy happens to good people; bad people experience joy. It is all a part of the human condition.

3.Christians believe that Jesus will return at the end of time as we know it and the full Kingdom of God will bloom. But that does not mean that Christians get to sit and twiddle their thumbs until Jesus' comes again in glory. As Theresa of Avila wrote in the 13th century, "Christ has no body but yours, No hands, no feet on earth but yours,Yours are the eyes with which he looks Compassion on this world, Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good, Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world." WE are the ones who bear Christ to the broken and hurting in this world. so get your kids and your family involved in doing something to help. Collect cans and recycle them and then donate the money you collect to UMCOR. Help sew blankets, collect medical supplies, etc. And remember, that while Haiti is at the forefront of our attention, suffering is all around us. The local food pantry still needs staples, the local pet shelter still needs folks to exercise pets and clean up after them. There are ALWAYS opportunities to serve as Christ's hands and heart. Actively engaging in this will help your children move through the sense of powerlessness we all feel when such a huge tragedy strikes.

God is not silent when tragedy strikes. God grieves with the suffering and moves the hearts of those who can be inspired to bear witness to and to ease the suffering of others. As John Westerhoff writes, "God has created a world in which God can accomplish nothing without our help and we can accomplish nothing without God's help." YOU and YOUR children are Christ's hands in the world. Serve and remain confident in your heart that God is using you and your children in the plan for the redemption of the world.

Faithfully,
Elizabeth